Thank You!

Do you remember the last time you thanked your mom or dad?

I don’t.

I was amused when I suddenly thought about it. I must have said thank you zillion times, at least. From a pizza delivery boy to an auto driver to even the irritating insurance executive, I have thanked everyone but my parents. We thank our friends for staying in touch, for coming over, for listening to us, and sometimes for just being there. What is the problem then?

Why have I never thanked my mom or dad?

It’s just weird. I don’t know how to say “thank you” or “I love you” to them. I have been sharing all the facts about my life with them but I haven’t learned to share my feelings yet. I can tell them that I am sick but I don’t know how to tell them that I am in pain. I can tell them that I am happy but I don’t know how to hug them or give them a peck on their cheek.

I remember when my mom used to wake up at five in the morning to prepare breakfast and tiffin for me and my siblings. I have two brothers and we always wanted different items and she never said no. There were times when she made Paratha and bhindi for me, puri and chole for my younger brother, and some other dish for the youngest one. She did it all happily. She used to be on her toes even when we came back from school. She has been my alarm for seventeen years. Now when I think of it, all of it looks so overwhelming. She never shouted at me when I kept saying mummy paanch minute aur. She was kind, patient yet firm. Whenever I was low or felt pessimistic about anything, she used to come and sit with me and utter that one phrase that made no sense to me at that time but leaves me with a lump in my throat now. “Meri beti nahi kar paayegi toh matlab koi nahi kar paayega” or “Aisa kuch nahi hai jo tu nahi kar sakti”. I wonder if she thought I was a superwoman or something. She somehow made sure that everything was in place and she did it all so effortlessly. She made sure that we were given everything that we needed even if we did not ask for it. I have seen her fighting for us over things that I never thought mattered but probably it did matter to her. Now, it has been four years living away from home and there hasn’t been a day when I have not missed her for the tiniest things that are not done because she isn’t here. She never preached yet taught me so many things. 

I remember, in class 9th, I came running to her from school to tell her that there was a guy who had confessed “I love you” to me. She laughed. Yes, she made me see the humor in the situation which I thought was so serious. She has always had a unique way of handling things which is so simple, non-chaotic, and funny. I have seen adults around me burdened with all the melancholy and responsibilities that life brings with itself. My mom is not an “adult”. She never let life take a toll on her. She never lost the child inside her. And believe me, it is so refreshing and reassuring to see her being the way she is.

My dad is the exact opposite of my mom, I guess that’s how God restores balance in everyone’s lives. He is the mature one in the relationship. All through my school years, I have seen my father working hard to raise his beautiful family. He used to be busy but he never missed a moment in our lives. Not a single award function or annual day. Probably that was his way of showing that he is there and will always be. When I was in class 10th, my school planned an adventure camp for us. Some of my classmates were going and some were not. I wanted to go but since I have never been a demanding or rebellious child, I decided that I would ask once and if my dad says “no” I will be okay with it. It was a 10-day trip to the mountains where there would have been no connectivity. Basically, we had to trek and stay in tents in freezing temperatures. Also, the school was charging a huge sum of money for it. So, at the back of my mind, I knew that he would say “no” and he said “no”. I don’t remember how I felt but as decided I did not insist any further. After that, every day in school when I saw my classmates discussing it, I felt bad. A day before the trip, my father told me that I am going and that he gave the check to school a week back and all this was only because he wanted to give me a surprise. At that moment, I wanted to hug him and tell him “thank you” but I could not. I regret not being able to thank him for giving me the best 10 days of my life, for not being an over-protective parent, and for letting me go. This was not the only incident. My father allowed me to go to school on cycle when everyone including my mother and grandmother weren’t sure about it. My neighbors asked him not to do so because it wasn’t safe. I don’t think that my father did not know that it wasn’t safe but probably he knew that he can’t keep me in a cage because the world outside was not safe. He has always been a protective father but I have also seen him trying hard to not let his concern for my safety come in the way of my freedom. He allowed me to learn swimming and Kathak. It all might sound extremely normal today but it wasn’t at that time. At least not in the society that I hail from. I always felt privileged when I saw girls around me, for my father let me do things that they were never allowed to do. He had tears in his eyes when I got my result in class 10th and class 12th. One of the best memories of my childhood is seeing him collect awards on my behalf. My father is a fighter, he taught me to not give up on things. He is a visionary, a path breaker. He was never scared of doing things that he felt were right. He has never tried to conform to the stereotypes of the society that we live in.

I am not saying that a “thank you” for all this would suffice, but every once in a while telling them that “you are the best parent in the world” or “I love you” would do no harm. While I understand that a parent-child relationship is full of unsaid things, I also think that sometimes people need to hear someone say it out loud. And saying it out loud sometimes does wonders, for it keeps them going, it gives them the assurance that they are right, and it gives them the courage to keep doing what they have been doing.

While reading this epiphany if you felt the same, go pick up your phone and say, “thank you” to the most beautiful people in your life and believe me, their reaction will melt your heart and make you ask yourself that why didn’t you say it before and what took you so long? 

There’s magic hidden in little things, go find it.