मुनिया की दादी

कुछ महसूस हुआ, और उसके बारे में लिख़ने गयी तो उस जज़्बात के लिए शब्द ही नहीं मिले | जीवन में कितनी सारी ऐसी बातें, ऐसे इत्तेफ़ाक़ होते हैं जिन्हे हम अक्सर याद कर लिया करते हैं | उन यादों में हम एक बार फिर से वो बातें, वो इत्तेफ़ाक़ जीने की कोशिश करते हैं | पर अगर अचानक से कोई दृश्य आपको अपनी यादों के उस कोने में धकेल दे जहाँ आप पहले कभी नहीं गए तो कैसा महसूस होगा? मानो जैसे वो इत्तेफ़ाक़, वो याद आपसे रूठ के शिकायत कर रही हो |

ऐसे ही एक छुट्टी की सुबह अपनी बालकनी में बैठे हुए मेरी नज़र जब इस बालकनी पर गयी तो मेरी आँखों के सामने दादी की झलक आ गयी | वो थी तो मेरे पापा की दादी पर मै भी उनको दादी ही कहती थी | उन्होंने मुझे स्कूल जाते हुए भी नहीं देखा | वो उससे पहले ही चली गयीं थी |

उनके कमरे में एक ख़ास खुशबू हुआ करती थी | वो खुशबू याद है मुझे | दादी चुटकी बजा के मुझे कुछ सुनाया करती थी | उनकी चुटकी याद है मुझे | उस समय मै सोचती थी कि जादू है, कि दो उंगलियों से कैसे आ जाती है ये आवाज़ | जब मैंने उनसे पूछा तो उन्होंने मुझे भी चुटकी बजाना सिखा दिया | फिर हम दोनों बाहर धूप में बैठ के साथ में चुटकी बजाया करते थे | मेरे बजाने पर वो खुश होती | उनकी हंसी याद है मुझे | रात में खाने के बाद पापा रोज़ उनसे पूछते थे, "का हो तरकारी कैसी बनी है?" और हर रोज़ हमे एक नया जवाब मिलता | रात में उनके साथ सोते हुए जब मै बुरे सपनों से डर जाया करती थी तो वो मुझे हनुमान चालीसा सुनाती |

दादी मुझे मुनिया कह के बुलाती थी | उनके जाने के बाद मुझे किसी ने कभी इस नाम से नहीं पुकारा | मुनिया सुनते ही मुझे उनकी चुटकी की आवाज़ और तरकारी पर उनकी हर रोज़ की टिप्पड़ी याद आ जाती है | काश वो होती और मैं उन्हें बता पाती कि मुझे मुनिया नाम कितना पसंद है | 

Where Do You Think It's Gonna Lead Me?

That fragrance reminds me of you.

That melody reminds me of you.

I zone out for my mind wanders,

to far off places, to far off people.

To everything that is miles away.

Is it like an alternate universe,

where memories reside?

Yesterday it looked like a castle,

that led me to a good night sleep.

Today it looks like a cave,

Where do you think it's gonna lead me?

Faraway Home

Dear Hugsy,

Did you ever feel at home in a strange place? Did you ever feel like this is where you have always belonged? A place that completes your incomplete jigsaw puzzle. A place that makes you cherish your existence. This feeling might be difficult for you to comprehend but I swear I am not exaggerating.

I am home now but this doesn't feel like home anymore. I want to go back. I want to go back and keep looking at the sea. I like how it goes till infinity and you can not see it's end. I like how it makes you feel tiny and helpless. This helplessness, although, is liberating. It makes you realize that you do not have control over a lot of things in your life, and at times you just need to let go.

Do you know, the sea was meeting me for the first time but it wasn't shy? It was spontaneous and crazy. Loud and clear. It never whispered. As I saw the waves coming towards me, I wondered how can people decide if they are a mountain person or a beach person. How can you choose between the two infinities? As the sea breeze brushed my hair and caressed me, I felt home. I felt like surrendering myself to that moment and somehow capturing it somewhere for I know I would crave for it tomorrow, I would want to live it again.

The sea, that day, behaved like me. Sometimes it looked angry but there were also moments when it laughed with me. I fell in love that day. I fell in love with the sea, its mood swings, its chaos and with its breeze too. I think it must have fallen for me too for it did not leave a chance to caress me. Am I making sense to you or do you think it's just my wishful thinking? 

I am scared though for I know that the sea is free and wild. The breeze that is caressing me today will turn into a storm tomorrow. It's going to hit me hard but I still don't know how to not fall in love with it. I don't know how to not fall in love with those waves that gave me goosebumps and made my whole body shiver. I think I ended up loving its wildness too.

I am back home now. The home that doesn't feel home anymore. But I know, in a faraway land, the sea is waiting for me. This time when I go, I will take you with me. You will understand me then. You will know why I miss it so much. You will also know why I keep wondering if it misses me too. 

Till then let's hug each other tightly and sleep.

Cheers!!