P's Notes

It’s that time of the year again. It’s December. It’s Christmas. It’s the New Year. The other day I heard someone saying that December is a mood. Sure, it is. It’s a mood which constantly makes me feel that everyone in the world is much happier than I would ever be. It’s a mood where people around me are generally planning vacations and I would still be in the middle of my everyday chores. Assignments, college, laundry, job etc. etc. English films and various other pop culture references have made new years and Christmas a thing for most of us. People often come up to me and ask about my new year plans and I don’t really know what to say. While growing up, I spent my new year’s eve watching random award shows on TV with my brother while everyone at home slept at their usual time. After joining college, New Year’s Eve for everyone else was all about drinking and forgetting all the worries. But neither I drink, nor do I forget my worries. So while everyone will be

Thirty hours is a lot of time to be spent on the train, at least for me.  My favourite berth is side-lower for it allows me to have minimal interaction with other people. The people occupying lower, middle and upper berth mostly indulge in discussions related to weather or food, sometimes politics too. Side berth gives me the option to just sit back and enjoy the conversation, if it's interesting, or turn around and pretend to be asleep, in case I am bored. Rarely people turn to the person sitting on the side berth to talk unless the person who is supposed to be on the side-upper berth is actually sitting in front of you and is looking at you with a wide smile. Last vacation, once again, I took a train from Bombay, Lokmanya Tilak Terminal, to home. I got the tickets done early and hence I was relieved to be on the side-lower berth. There was no one on the side-upper berth and so I conveniently took two pillows, plugged in my earphones, and started watching one of the

This article was supposed to start with the names of a few famous people who have changed their career multiple times or very late in life and have still managed to make it to the top. So I did a google search and found a lot many of them. But you can find that list yourself right? Also, when I was going through the list, I realized that I don’t need these names to make my point. Even if the list had no names I would still believe that shaming people who are not sure about their lives is quite hypocritical. Because, really, who is sure? What we want in life at a particular moment is mostly about what we feel at that point in time. And voila, feelings change! In a world where even the waiter expects you to choose from ten different kinds of coffee, there is an incessant pressure to always know what you want. Most of us have gotten used to it. We have gotten so used to it that we expect everyone around us to be sure all the time. In pursuit of stability and success, one is exp

कुर्ला उतारना है क्या? नहीं। कुर्ला उतरेगी क्या? नहीं तो। पीछे जाओ फिर... ओह ठीक है। कुर्ला आया और मैंने दरवाज़े के किनारे वाले खंबे के पास वाली जगह लेली। सीट ना मिले तो खड़े रहने के लिए सबसे अच्छी जगह होती है वो। बाहर आसमान दिखता है। किसी को कविता या साहित्य में दिलचस्पी ना भी हो तो भी वहां खड़े होकर वो तमाम कविताएं और कहानियां याद आने लगती है जो बरसों पहले आपने पढ़ी या सुनी थी। इतने दिनों के बाद आसमान नीला था आज। बिलकुल साफ, ऐसा लग ही नहीं रहा था कि पिछली रात बारिश हुई है। वडाला उतर कर ट्रेन बदलनी थी मुझे, पर जिस गेट से उतरना था, मैं उसके ठीक उल्टी तरफ खड़ी थी। बड़ी मुश्किल से धीरे धीरे भीड़ के बीच से निकल कर इस तरफ आयी। वडाला से सांता क्रूज जाने वाली ट्रेन में चढ़ना इतना मुश्किल नहीं था। भीड़ कम थी। सीट भी मिल गई। इस ट्रेन का डिब्बा भी पिछली वाली ट्रेन से बहुत अलग था। लोग भी अलग ही थे। सब एक जैसे थे। जैसे एक ही जगह से आएं हो और एक ही जगह को जा रहे हो। बांद्रा स्टेशन पर काफी लोग उतर गए। ट्रेन और भी खाली हो गई। अगले से अगला स्टेशन मेरा था। फोन निकालकर घर का पता एक बार

Memories die of old age too. They become old and blur and then they are lost, in an abyss. But then on a gloomy rainy day, when you wake up from your afternoon nap, a part of it sweeps its way back. You feel lost. You don’t know what to do with it. It makes you feel a little too much, and sometimes too old too.  I was reminded of my kindergarten friend today. I don’t remember a lot about her or our times together. Her name used to start with ‘J’. I don’t remember how we became friends or how did we drift apart. But I remember her telephone number; it used to end with triple eight.  In those days, we used to have landlines. I remember her father picked me up from school, once, when papa was not in town. One day, I started crying in front of the school and refused to go inside because someone told me that she is sick, and won’t be coming today. These random reminders overwhelm me for the ephemerality of friendship is more visible to me, today, than it ever was. Everyone s

The blank paper staring at me is asking me to let it out this paper has been  a generous friend the only generous friend more so in my anxious and jumpy days it never gets tired of the rant the rant that mostly consists of past of people who meant the world to me at some point in time but are no longer around the rant where I curse myself for letting these people in and showing them the closets and crevices of my heart the rant in which I am restless that these people are still out there with all my secrets  where I regret sharing  everything that should have  belonged only to me the rant where I am disappointed in me for falling in the trap not once but twice for falling for the facade  for falling for something that  was never real the rant that laments about choosing them and their facade over my own being I keep on pouring and this paper, my most generous friend keeps on soaking it all in

Like people talk to themselves in the mirror I found myself talking aloud today saying that it's fine That this has happened to you before Even then there was nothing to look forward to Even then you kept looking for a silver lining but couldn't really find one yes, it did happen to you before, where you felt like the world is going to end But nothing actually ended you kept walking and it kept getting better I kept telling myself that the pain in your chest will subside that there will come a day when you will look back to this moment and smile Smile because before it ended it happened, and you lived it you lived every bit of it

I woke up today and my house was a mess. Aunty needed to cook rajma and there were no onions. Shreya was getting late for work. She was waiting for the upma to get cooked. I was strolling here and there unmindful of the time. I was getting late too. And hence I literally had to run to the stop to catch my bus. Every day I stand at the bus stop staring at the road and wait for the bus, 521 or 121. You never know when exactly will the bus come and hence it's always relieving to see it coming. There are protocols here too. There are two gates on the bus, one in the front and one at the back. You always enter the bus from the back gate. I didn't know this on my first day and hence entered the bus from the front gate causing a hassle. I wonder if someone noticed and laughed at me. It's going to be a month now, I still don't know if I am settled into this routine though. The faces have all become familiar. They all come, put their earphones on, tilt their heads to