becoming

oh god, i didn't see this coming.

did you?

i used to mock my mother

i said i see no dust, 

what are you dusting?

why are you changing this bedsheet?

it seemed ok to me

oh god i have become my mother

i spent the first day of my year-end holiday

cleaning my desk

putting my work laptop in a bag

and shutting it down for four days

changing the bedsheets

dusting the bookshelf

i have become my mother

i like cooking nimona

it takes effort but

i don't mind the effort

it reminds me of childhood winters

when we sat in the sun

not alone

with chachis and cousins

and peeled peas for hours

i don't remember the conversations clearly

but i remember the occasional antakshari

and tipi tipi top

there was no rush

there was no desire to see the sunset also

we didn't have phones

to think of taking a photo

there was no gram and nothing gramworthy

we sat till we heard the sound of the motorcycle

coming towards the house

and knew it was time for chai

and pa was home

Note to self: You think while you write. Writing helps with thinking through certain things. So, it's okay if you don't exactly have a subject in mind. It's okay if you don't know what you will write on a particular day. It's still okay to show up here without any anxiety. 

Today is the first day of my four-day chutti and I can't be more excited but in a very relaxed way. There have been many moments in the last one month when I had tried to make a 'new year plan' but then P and I couldn't. Somehow I am glad that we couldn't. I didn't realize the joy of being home with absolutely no agendas and plans.