Mundane & Banal

 [11:12]

I can't believe there is a dear diary situation going on here. I maintained many diaries growing up. Didn't know will end up replicating something similar in an online blog.

The Sunday evening dread has set in. I have to go to work tomorrow. I feel tired thinking about it.

There are a couple of blogs I visit every day in a hope that there might be a new post. I like reading about other people's anxieties and the mundane details of their everyday life. It's comforting.

I had a dream last night. I was in my in-law's place. My mother-in-law's mother had come to meet me and I didn't have sindoor in my bag. I was freaking out. I don't remember what happened after.

This phrase was ringing in my head after coming back from work on Friday - The banal worries of a woman's life.

In the auto, while coming back from work, I was thinking about how will I dress up when his folks come to my place here, how will the routine look like, what will we eat, and what will they think about me if I do this etc etc. Many many thoughts on similar lines.

I spend a lot of time thinking about people, friends family. Mostly family. It bothers me that I can't be myself with most of my family members. It's also extremely sad that so much of my mind space goes into things that in an ideal world shouldn't matter. 

I don't feel like writing anymore. I am sad that I am not able to finish my article. More anxious than sad. Writing is fucking hard. I don't know why I want to write so badly when clearly I am also not able to. 

P is sitting in front of me reading. He is finally reading again, and I am happy about it. I am grateful for his existence.