Sunshine

I always take too long to come to this. I don't know if it's the fear of a blank page or just the usual habit of procrastinating everything. Even the feeling of accomplishment and the so-called 'joy of writing' which I genuinely feel every time I write is not enough to push me to be here sooner. I had dinner, switched off the tv, cleaned the house a little bit unnecessarily, played music, scrolled through my phone, and a couple of blogs that I follow and when finally there was nothing more to look at, I decided to open the blog.

It's been a weird day. Work was tough, although I was working from home which always makes it better. I have told you how much I like the sunlight. My work desk at home is near a window and the light was falling on my face while I was on a video call. It was making me look a little better haha. There is also a mirror right beside my work desk so I was peeping and looking at myself in between and what that sunlight was doing to me. I know my description of work right now does not seem that bad. But it was bad. I think nostalgia just makes everything slightly better. The toughest part of work is not often work though, it's the people.

I watched a really nice interview after a very long time. Linking it here and won't talk about it much. It's just nice to see someone being so honest about their work and life. It also hits you differently now because of how rare it is. I am obsessed with Bollywood, no doubt about it. But art and artists have also always inspired me. And now that I know what cultural capital is and what 'low brow' and 'high brow' art is, I am unapologetic about the kind of things I like. 

I remember as a kid, there used to be this dance reality show on TV, and Isha Sharvani was a participant. Every week she would come on the stage and get the maximum points (often 30 on 30) from all three judges. She was perfect. Extremely hard working and so good at what she was doing on that stage. I remember as a young girl I was inspired by her. Not in the sense that I wanted to dance like her or be in a reality show. But just be better in life, at school. Maybe I am justifying my obsession with all things Bollywood, who knows?! 

I like the flashbacks though. These old childhood memories crawl back on the surface from somewhere deep down and leave you with a strangeness. Honestly, my biggest realisation of growing up has been that we don't really grow up, at the core we all are still the same 12-year-olds with a lot more battle scars. 

I am reading Mason Currey's book. It's unimaginably exciting how someone could write exactly what I am always seeking. The book is a day-to-day account of women artists. What they did, their routine, how they worked, how was their life, the mundane things. I can't obviously have a vlog of Louisa May Alcott's life but I am glad I got this book. :)

My life right now - yes the one that I am living - is a dream that I imagined and lived and aspired for growing up. To be able to live in a home with lots of sunlight, plants, freedom, safety, space, and love. I feel free here like I have never felt before. Thank you, universe!

sunshine on my sunshine