Tomorrow should be a better day!

Okay, so in an effort to be completely honest with my blog and also to test if journalling can truly make one feel better, I am here again for the second time today. 

I worked from home today so this day shouldn't have ended like this but ah who can predict, right?

I was crazy busy today between 10:30 to 5. In between, I took a one-hour break to cook, eat, and take a shower. I was running in the break though, literally jumping from one thing to another. It didn't help that I decided to wash some of my woolens today.

But somehow right when I was going to finish work around 5ish, Google News decided to show me a notification that talked about B12 deficiency in vegetarians and its severe impact on a particular girl. I was already tired but I started feeling really low especially after looking at this notification.

Can your mental health or how you are feeling at a particular moment affect you physically? I think it does. I feel that my mental health has physical manifestations. However, one is never sure. I can never say confidently that I am tired or puking or pooping because of how I feel.

Yes, it's a common symptom and it isn't new. As a child, I didn't understand anxiety but I understood fear. I either puked or pooped when I was scared. And it's the same even today. So if people are yelling in the house, don't be surprised if you find me in the washroom.

My experiences with my health since 2017 have shaped me in a way that I don't even remember who I was before then. I could use it as my strength. At least that's what the productive-capitalism tropes teach you but it's hard. It's hard because, on so many days of your life, you experience minor health-related problems and if your mind keeps making it bigger then it becomes even more difficult to get through it.

I am always anxious about my health. A minor cut or a stomach ache scares the shit out of me. I am scared of hospitals and doctors. If it was in my hand, I would want a life where I never need a doc.  I think about death a lot. Both mine and my loved ones. It's like I have seen it up close and now I can't let go of that feeling. A moment like that makes you more grateful for life. It's easy for you to see the larger picture. However, a moment like that can also give you lifelong trauma.

Alright. Tomorrow should be a better day. Goodnight!